To the loo

Ok ladies (and gents, but more ladies). At the University of Amsterdam, a new phenomenon is making its rounds. In the ladies bathroom they have installed a….contraption that is supposed to make a quick peeossible for the ladies in quite a male way. The idea is that you just have to stand over a basin and let it all out. Well, only pee actually. I am all for peeing quickly, because I seriously wonder what some girls do in the toilet that takes ages. For real, please tell me why it takes you 2-3 minutes to wizz. No comprendo.

Anyway, this new ‘toilet’ could potentially speed it all up for fast galls like me. There are some problems though, can you spot them?

Ok girls, how would you go about this? I can’t ‘hover’ like some of you do or even crouch in the wild for a quick pee.In fact, I’ve pissed my own shoes / legs / pants on more than one occasion. So this noble attempt to create equality between men and women probably would not work for me. Maybe the instructions clear it up:

So um…wow, yowza, really? Crouching, aiming and not feeling completely awkward at the same time? That would probably result in me not only peeing myself, but some unfortunate passer-by as well. Also, I can’t wear my hair in a bun and I don’t have a dotted face.

But seriously, how is this supposed to work, and has anyone ever tried this? Help a sister out!

p.s. This post is dedicated to my socially inept English teacher who once bombed in class with the following ‘joke’:

A British man and his wife get on the bus in Apeldoorn in the Netherlands, because they want to visit the palace Het Loo. The man says to the driver: “Two to the Loo”. The driver looks at him and says: “Ok…goodbye”. Yeah, I’ll let one sink in a little bit, in all its horrible splendour. Just imagine a class of kids staring at him with a mix of pity and disdain when he tried to explain it (which was not necessary, we just really hated that joke).

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